I recently went on a few dates with a certain gentleman, let’s call him Will. I’ve changed his name, as one must always protect the innocent, or not-so-innocent in this particular case. I promise you that I felt something was off from the moment I met him at a bar in Dubai and he said his first hello. That’s when I realized that my “loser men” radar had improved a great deal and I can detect poor quality men a mile away. I just couldn’t quite put my finger on it but I knew he was fishy the instant he uttered his first word.
So Will and I went on a few dates. Of course he would always pick me up in his car, even go out of his way to open the car door for me. Chivalrous, I know. It’s extremely rare nowadays. He would always take me to the finest restaurants and pick up the tab. He sounds great right? Well, no. Something wasn’t right. The conversation never flowed, it felt practically forced. He loved talking about himself, a little too much I would say. And he never once bothered to ask about me. And to top it off, he had these lines, these lines! How do I describe them….as if he had a book at home that he would memorize before going out to utilize them on women at shady bars. I would cringe each time he used one on me. I literally wanted to cover my ears with my hands.
One fine evening he met a group of my friends at one of the very few laid back bars in Dubai. He sat with us, made small talk, was sweet as always. But I just couldn’t warm up to him. He left to go to the bathroom and as soon as he was out of sight, I got a nice verbal beating from my friends: “What’s wrong with you? He’s great! And hot! You’re just too cautious and picky Dana!”.
But I knew I was right. And right I was. I won’t go into the details of the demise of this somewhat fully flawed short interaction, but he definitely turned out to be the loser I knew him to be. Never ever ignore your intuition because it knows better than anyone else.
For those of you that aren’t yet blessed with good dating instincts please find below my personal list of dating red flags. Yes, I’ve made this applicable to both men and women. You’ll see that many of them are common sense (you would think) and often apply to both sexes.
Dating red flags for men:
- She doesn’t even bother to pretend like she would contribute to the bill: No matter what a woman says, we’ve all been taught good manners and that it’s only ladylike to not always assume a man will pay. Of course we all know he should pay on the first date, but you shouldn’t sit there with your arms crossed. A true lady pretends to reach for her wallet while the gentleman picks up the tab.
- She talks about herself a lot: This may simply be a sign of nervousness so don’t write her off right away. However, it may also mean she’s very insecure and feels she has something to prove to you.
- She’s very negative: She’ll complain about her job, about men, her friends, etc. This is not the kind of energy anyone wants to be around.
- She talks about her ex: Hello, she’s not over him. No matter what she says.
- She seems desperate to have a boyfriend, actually any boyfriend really will do. Would you like to fill the role?
- She gets drunk or acts in an unladylike behaviour: If you’re looking for a one night hook up, yes this will make your job easier. If not, well get ready to babysit a college student.
Dating red flags for women:
- He doesn’t pay on the first date: No matter how modern and pro equal rights a man claims to be, he should know to pay on the first date. If anything this is his opportunity to impress you and show you his kind and generous side.
- He doesn’t try to get to know you and spends the evening talking about himself: This guy should just spend the evening at home staring at the mirror.
- He has very obvious wandering eyes: Listen, I’m all for appreciating beauty. However, it’s extremely disrespectful if a man you’ve just met blatantly stares at other women while he’s sitting across from you supposedly trying to get to know you.
- He talks about his ex: He’s definitely not over her.
- He uses too many rehearsed lines: He basically sounds cheesy. If anything he says makes you cringe or feels fake, you know he’s playing an act to get into your pants.
- After a few dates you still haven’t met any of his friends: A man who genuinely likes you is proud to introduce you to his friends. If you’ve been going out for a month and you have yet to meet any of his friends, he doesn’t see you as serious material.
- He’s constantly whining: Whether about his job, friends, family etc. Run! Run! Run! Who needs a negative partner in life?
- He seems more concerned about his wellbeing and comfort than yours: Again, no matter what any man says, it makes him feel good to see you happy and comfortable. If he doesn’t seem to care if you’re cold or uncomfortable, he simply doesn’t care for you in general.
- He gets drunk or generally behaves inappropriately: This spells disaster for the future.
“I DON’T have EX’s! I have Y’s. Like ‘Y the hell did I date you?!’ ” – Kevin Hart